You are not going to be liked by everyone. Even the most popular, altruistic folks have their haters. No matter how hard you try, there are going to be some people who don’t like you and some that will hate your guts. Don’t believe me? Think about Jesus, Gandhi, and Martin Luther King. They were all popular but paid the ultimate price by haters.
Sometimes you will be disliked because of your philosophy. If you’re a tree hugger like me, there will be a whole host of people calling you names. Libtard is one of the kinder terms used on you. Maybe genetics adds fodder to the hate fuel. If you happen to be born white you are a cracker, President Obama was an Oreo, and on and on it goes. If you are a white supremacist, you can count on being disliked by almost everyone who is not a white supremacist.
Moving beyond the obvious reasons some or possibly hordes of people might wish a person was never born, these people usually have at least some friends. Heck, even Hitler and others vilified in history had friends. However, when nobody seems to like you except your mom and your dog, it’s time to look at the reasons why and act. Do you find people consistently turning you down to get together for coffee? At work, maybe you’re not invited to join the people you work with for lunch. Are you the only one in your class not invited to a classmate’s birthday party? It seems like no matter how hard you try; you can’t find a friend.
It’s important to note that we all have built into us ways we perceive ourselves compared to the people in our environment. This rating is partially dependent on the society in which we live and those things that influence us as we bounce through life. We may perceive those that are wealthier, more powerful, better looking, or have a better education than we do as superior to us. Of course, the opposite is also true when the roles are reversed. That’s when we get fat heads because we feel superior to others.
Sometimes these perceptions cause us to behave in ways that barricade us from potential friends.
The takeaway is that we are neither inferior nor superior to others, but that doesn’t alter the fact that how we fit into the pecking order of our society remains firmly entrenched.
Too often, the behavior of unpopular folks in their quest to gain status has the exact opposite effect. If you’re having trouble making or keeping friends do you do any of the following things? Be brutally honest, as that is your best chance to improve your relationships with those around you.
- Try to impress by either talking about your accomplishment or do the old fake put down of those same accomplishments. For instance, you puff out your chest and say, “When I was at Yale……” or “I really wanted to go to Yale but got stuck going to Harvard instead.”
- Use “I” or “my” way too many times in your conversations. If the conversation is all about you or your work, you are going to bore people to death. We all live in the center of our little world which is important to remember when interacting with others.
- Talk too much thus ensuring you remain the center of attention. I personally run from folks like this, not because I don’t like them, but because I reach a point where I feel like one more word out of their mouth is going to make my head explode.
- Just as bad as talking too much is not listening. If someone is speaking to you, don’t be texting or checking for messages, and for the sake of all the gods, don’t be thinking about what you’re going to say next. Pay attention and maybe even ask questions. People love it when you show a real interest in what they have to say. And who knows, you might just learn something.
- Learn to be interested in the people in your domain. Remember, they have hopes, dreams, and troubles too. I have yet to find a person that doesn’t have an interesting story to tell.
- Don’t gossip. As good as it feels to have everyone focused on you while you’re sharing a bit of juicy gossip, you are teaching them that they can’t trust you not to be a Mr. or Ms. Blabberton about them.
- Be fresh air, not an evil wind. If all people hear from you is one negative thing after another, they’re going to avoid you. They can listen to the nightly news to get their daily dose of doomsday. They’re not going to want to spend much time with you if that is the lead into most of your conversations. You become toxic.
- Be true to who you are. Fake people pretending they’re someone they are not are seen through easily by others. If you have a lot of money, you can get by with this and acquire lots of fake friends. It’s a perfect match when you think about it. A fake you plus money equals fake friends.
- Don’t be a douche bag that’s always on the attack. If you take offense to every little thing and go ballistic, this is proof that you are a weak person. It will also drive people away. I had a boss like that once and he didn’t have a friend to his name. I doubt that neither his mom nor his dog liked him either. However, I found him to be one of the easiest people in the world to manipulate. I felt sorry for him.
A lack of self-confidence is often the reason for anti-friend behavior. It can also be a factor in all your relationship problems. Mama telling you there’s no reason to feel inferior won’t help you one iota however, there are things you can do that can cure that problem. See the resources I’ve included below. It’s going to take some work to gain confidence, but you can do it.
Remember, if a guy like Hitler can have friends, so can you. Just be sure to value and invest in the people who love you (that includes your dog and your mom). Life is too short to worry about the people who don’t like you unless, of course, it’s everyone.
Resources for building self-confidence and self-esteem
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AYXT-etgVM
