Waste time focusing on bad things you can do nothing about
There are many things that are out of your control. When these things are negative, every second you waste focusing on them is sucking the joy out of your life. Let’s look at some examples.
You see a show that a meteor is going to hit the Earth. You are told the meteor hit is inevitable. Can you do anything about it? No.
You are told the same thing about the Yellowstone super volcano. That baby is overdue to blow. It could happen any day with devastating results. Can you do anything about it? No.
Anytime you waste time thinking about such things is time not spent living to your fullest in the here and now. The meteor hasn’t hit. Yellowstone hasn’t blown. What’s for breakfast?
We humans are infatuated with bad news. We slow our cars to ogle at an accident. We spend countless hours watching mostly bad news. Why does the media focus on bad news? Because bad news is an easy sell.
It’s not the bad news per se that’s sucks the joy out of you, it’s when you dwell on it. For instance, you hear that some policy is being enacted that you believe is harmful. If you waste time thinking about how horrible this new policy will be, all that happens is your joy will be sucked away.
Now, if you believe the policy is bad and decide to figure out ways to change it, that’s something entirely different. You become a problem solver instead of a downtrodden, joyless whiner.
Spend time with people that have nothing nice to say.
You know the type, heck you might even be one of these people. They drone on for hours about all the horrible things that are happening to and around them. The government is bad. Their neighbors are bad. Their relatives are bad. Their boss is bad. Food in the grocery store will kill us all. Ever get on a roll about how bad things are? I have. Can you hear the sucking sound?
Unfortunately, some of these people might be near to your heart like a mother, dad, brother, sister, or a significant other. That’s when you exercise tough love.
You can change the subject. If that doesn’t work, try “I don’t want to talk about that.” Of course, that will make them angry. Too bad. Life’s too short to spend valuable mental time listening to their clap trap.
Focusing on impossibilities
You’re 3 feet tall and want to play professional basketball. It’s not going to happen, but you waste countless hours thinking about how unfair life is. That time sucks the joy out of your life.
Maybe instead your 7 feet tall and want to play professional basketball. Instead of gaining the skills and going for it, you spend all your time thinking of reasons it can’t happen. That too will suck the joy out of your life. You might as well be 3 feet tall.
Excuses we use for not pursuing our dreams include: I’m too old. I’m too young. I’m too poor. I’m not smart enough. It’ll take too long. Mommy will disapprove. I could go on, but you get the idea.
Too much screen time
Television, Facebook, and surfing the net can be fun. However, binge watching a Netflix series or spending countless hours on Facebook will ultimately suck the joy out of your life. What you see on TV is not your life. Facebook is not your life. Doing stuff and experiencing stuff is your life.
Have coffee with friends. Start a new hobby. Get involved in a gardening group. Take an art class. Take a hike. See a play. Go out to dinner. These are a few examples of what brings joy into your life.
Forgetting your roots
In your over-sanitized, asphalted, and artificially lit life, it’s easy to forget your roots. It’s easy to forget that you are just as dependent on the Earth as your ancient hunter gatherer ancestors. Every carrot you eat comes from the earth and that carrot becomes part of you when you consume it. The cow eats the grass and the grass becomes the cow. You eat the cow and the cow becomes part of you.
From the time before you were born, the earth and people living on it have been providing for you. Remember this and it will add joy to your life. Forget it and you become a self-centered twit with all the joy sucked out of you.
Focusing on what if scenarios
This is like the impossibility thinker mentioned earlier, but with a twist. You’re trying to decide what direction to take. Just as you are about to decide, you come up with a what if scenario. What if I’m wrong? What if it doesn’t work? What if it rains that day? What if I’ve chosen the wrong wife/husband?
When the what ifs start waltzing around in your head, you end up too scared to act. No decision is made, and you go nowhere. The joy that could have been yours just got sucked away.
The easiest way to overcome this problem is to turn it on its head. Instead of thinking ‘what if it doesn’t work’, think ‘what if it works’.
That doesn’t mean you should be stupidly optimistic. However, if you’re not careful, you can ‘what if’ yourself into stagnation and miss out on some awesome experiences. I know. I’ve done the whole ‘what if’ thing before. And the older I get, the more I need to guard against it.
Forgetting to be thankful for what you have
When your time is focused on what you want vs what you need, the joy in your life is sucked dry.
Advertising agencies focus on convincing you to buy what you don’t need. They do this by trying to change your perspective from a want to a need. I need that new car. Then women will be attracted to me or it will make me free. I need that new expensive toothpaste because it will do a better job of preventing cavities.
The next time you see an ad on TV, see if you can identify the sales point of the ad.
If you make a list of all the things you have right now, you will find you have plenty to be thankful for. Many of you are thinking of the things you’re thankful for. Like, I’m thankful that I have a microwave or my new smart phone. The things you have are just that. Things.
Think deeper. For instance, you can be thankful for your ability to read this text and thankful for teachers who taught you to read. You can also be thankful for your eyes that allow you to see. Most of you don’t give any thought to these assets because they seem normal but give it some thought, and you will realize how lucky you are.
Focusing on unimportant things
When you focus on unimportant things like making money, you lose site of those things that are important. There’s that sound again of the joy being sucked out of your life. You’ve heard it said before. If you only had one year to live, how would you spend your time? What would you do?
You were born, you bump along in life, and you will die. Your time is finite, spend it on the things that are important to you. If what you do is for the sole purpose of making money, the joy in your life will be sucked out of you.
Worry over what other people think
Worry over what other people think of you and the decisions you make in your life is guaranteed to suck the joy out of your life.
I know a woman who married a guy because her dad liked him. This woman adored her dad and would do anything to please him. She ended up divorcing the guy. Think stupid! Yes, but to a greater and lesser extent way this happens way too often.
Don’t try to impress people. You will impress them most by being yourself. Truth and honesty are the most impressive traits. When you give, give because you want to give, not out of a sense of obligation. When you decide to do something, never do it to impress the people in your life.
To worry about what others think will suck the joy out of your life.
Forgetting how to have fun
Little kids know how to have fun. You were a little kid once. If you are a workaholic, think back to the time you used to have fun. Joy filled your life and everything was a wonder back then. Now you work and then you work more. Over the years as drudgery set in, joy was sucked out.
If this is you, reintroduce fun into your life. Do it little by little so as not to send yourself into shock.
Failing to realize the only person you can control is yourself
This is one of the best ways to have every ounce of joy sucked out of your life. If you like to control the people and circumstances in your life, you’re in bad shape. Allow me to enlighten you. The only thing you can control is you and that is only partially possible.
Circumstances in your life change in ways you never expected. A loved one becomes ill or depressed. You want to make the bad thing go away for them. You can’t. Your house burns down because of an electrical short. You lose your job because the company you work for is cutting expenses. You want Betty to be your friend, but she doesn’t like you. You want your alcoholic dad to quit drinking, but he doesn’t. On and on it goes throughout your life. All out of your control.
You can’t control the behavior of the bugs (bacteria etc.) that make up 53% of your body. You can’t control your DNA. You can’t control your heartbeat, blood flow, liver, kidney, and other functions performed by your body.
However, with practice you can control your mind and thoughts. You can also control your behavior which is a function of your mind, emotions, and beliefs. That’s it, but that’s a lot.
Final thought
The road of life is a road full of pot holes, ruts, and obstacles for everyone and I mean everyone. With the many tragedies, heartaches and failures that are a natural part of life, there can also be great joy and happiness. How much joy sucking that happens in your life is up to you. How much joy sucking that happens in my life is up to me. The hardest lesson for me to learn was how little control I have. If I did have control, I would wave my magic wand and fill your life with joy. But, like I said, that’s up to you.
Resources
https://www.ted.com/talks/guy_winch_the_case_for_emotional_hygiene
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/how-to-stop-worrying.htm
https://www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2017/04/09/7-signs-youre-a-control-freak-and-what-you-can-do-about-it/#3830457547dd
https://www.ted.com/talks/adam_alter_why_our_screens_make_us_less_happy
http://mamavic.com/why-did-i-do-that/
http://mamavic.com/why-do-we-shoot-ourselves-in-the-foot-why-why-why/
http://mamavic.com/are-you-listening-to-the-two-most-important-people/
http://mamavic.com/10-reasons-to-question-what-you-believe/
http://mamavic.com/a-loved-one-may-be-your-worst-enemy/
http://mamavic.com/the-great-american-lie/
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/02/06/buddhism-happiness_n_4719588.html
