Believe it or not, your relationship with that new human being that comes into your life begins before you first lay eyes on her. (See this article.)
How that relationship blossoms or bombs depends on you. It depends on your love and care. Nothing new or revolutionary here. What you may be in the dark about is how much that new little human is sensitive to your state of mind.
If you have a dog or cat in your life, he seems to know if you’re angry, sad, or hurting without you uttering a word. Babies are the same exact way except their response is different, they cry. You feed them, change their diaper, rock them, check their temperature, yet they are inconsolable. The baby may well be picking up on your mood. You may be able to hide your emotions from the adults in your life, but you won’t be able to hide them from your baby.
Unlike a dog, who tries to console you, by laying quietly beside you with his head on your lap, the baby cries which is no help to you. That’s why doing whatever is necessary to maintain a calm and peaceful you is so very important.
Sometimes, the relentless wailing of an infant drives some parents over the edge resulting in harm or death to the infant. If you find yourself in this situation, put your baby safely in his bed and walk away until you calm down.
This is going to sound harsh, but this advice might save you a lot of guilt, shame, and a possible prison sentence. If you are a stressed-out, anxious sort of person or you just don’t want a child for whatever reason, either plan on not having one; or in the event an accident happens and you get pregnant, either get an abortion, let dad have the kid (assuming he wants it), or adopt out at birth.
Babies are a lot of work. I had two, so know this for a fact. I wanted both of mine, but sometimes I felt overwhelmed. I was an only child, so other than a few babysitting jobs, I knew nothing about being a mom and neither my mom nor my husband’s mom lived close enough to call on for advice.
My first, a beautiful little girl, was born at 7 months. She weighed a whopping 4 pounds 4 ounces at birth. I was sick all seven of the seven months I carried her. Talk about stress. I can write a book on what that pregnancy and those first few months were like. My second, a beautiful boy, was 8 pounds 3 ounces. I was healthy as a horse the whole time I carried him. However, when he was born, bones were broken, both his and mine. I decided to stop at two because the doctor said my body wasn’t designed for childbirth, I discovered I had Rh-negative blood, and because I thought two was about all I could handle.
I had my two kids close together so they would have each other to play with as they grew up. Did I mention I was an only child? I remember vowing to myself when I was only six years old that someday when I had kids of my own, I would never, ever, ever have just one.
My two babies were easy in that we had no major medical issues. My girl only cried when she had a stomachache, my boy only cried when he was hungry. Actually, he shrieked loud enough to wake the dead. When they cried, I picked them up. I also had a lot of fun just playing with them.
Though I loved them both, I learned that I loved them in different ways. One baby was like a tiny delicate flower. The other was hardy and boisterous. Did I make mistakes? Probably, but just the act of loving them, snuggling with them, and taking good care of them seemed to be enough to compensate for any mistakes I made.
One thing to keep in mind is that, barring extenuating circumstances, babies are hardy creatures. If they weren’t, there would be no humans
Would I do it again? Absolutely. From what I know now, there are a few things I would do differently.
- I would make my own baby food.
- I would take better care of myself. During both of my pregnancies, I refused to put anything into my body that might affect the growing baby. I wouldn’t even take an aspirin for a headache. However, because I felt so horrible while carrying my baby girl, I suffered from severe depression. I can’t imagine how awful it was for my hubby to put up with me. If I had it to do over again, I would work on ways to overcome that sour state of mind.
- Since my first baby was both premature and my firstborn, I spent a lot of time stressing over whether I was caring for her in the right way. If I had it to do over again, I would reach out to other mothers with infants, particularly mothers with more than one child. I think that would have been a tremendous help.
- When my babies were born, I saw them more like personal possessions to cherish. Today I would view them as tiny human beings put temporarily in my charge. Had I viewed them this way, it would have prevented the many mistakes I made later. This is a biggie and something to keep in mind.
Below is a good resource that I think will be helpful to you when and if you find yourself with an infant in your life.
http://www.urbanchildinstitute.org/why-0-3/baby-and-brain
