“You might never fail on the scale I did, but it is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all—in which case, you fail by default.
[J.K. Rowling (author of Harry Potter books)]
“Everything you touch turns to shit.” That was a quote from my dad one day when I was a teenager. I don’t remember what brought about the comment, but I do know how it’s haunted me over the years.
Whenever I make a mistake or fail at an endeavor, I hear his voice in my head saying those words. And it’s very loud. I mean really LOUD. Logically one would assume if everything you touch turns to shit, you shouldn’t touch anything. Therein lays the hazard of that lie.
The truth is that everyone screws up or fails in their lives, even my dad. Everyone makes poor choices. What that means is that my dad might have made the same statement to the following folks:
- Anthony Robbins
- Mark Bezos
- Dr. Seuss
- Tim Ferris
- Albert Einstein
- Stephen King
- Jack Welch (former CEO GE)
- Richard Branson
- Warren Buffett
- Ted Turner
- Reed Hastings (CEO Netflix)
Now I could go on and on and on, but hopefully you have learned, like me, that everything you touch doesn’t turn to shit, just some of the things. Maybe even lots of things.
Our brains are partly to blame for our fear of failure
Our brains are designed to protect us from repeating mistakes and that’s a good thing. If we burn our fingers on a hot stove, there is pain. Our brain then reminds us not to touch a hot stove which protects us from further pain.
If we’re not very careful our brain will try and influence us to avoid situations that cause us emotional pain. For instance, it says to us, “Remember that pain when you made that bad decision. Let someone else make the decision for you then there will be no pain and we survive.”
When we make a mistake, we experience emotional pain. To avoid pain, we must therefore not do the things that create the pain. That very fear can keep us down.
If you make a blunder, no matter what it is. Step outside yourself for a few minutes and look at it logically. Ask yourself these questions?
Why did I do that? How many of us have asked that question after having way too many drinks? (I raise my hand to that one.) Maybe you’ve snapped at a person just because something in your life isn’t going right. (I raise my hand to that one too.)
Maybe you made a poor choice because you listened to someone who didn’t know what they were talking about. Maybe it was because you didn’t listen to someone who knew exactly what they were talking about. Either way, learn from it.
Our beliefs may have created the fear the fear of failure
You might have made an error in judgment because of a biased belief system. For instance, if I believed my dad’s words, I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this post.
Always question your beliefs no matter who has spoon fed them to you. Hitler spoon fed the German people a false set of beliefs. Science spoon fed people that the Earth was flat. You’ve been given a darn good brain, use it.
Question everything. Think for yourself.
Whatever the real reason you screwed up don’t try to justify it by lying to yourself about it. Of all the human beings on this planet, the one you should never lie to is yourself. Say you go out and spend too much money at the store. Admit you did that because it made you feel good to buy stuff. Don’t you dare say it was because, “I’ve been working hard and I deserved to spend money on me.” (That’s a line I’ve used in the past. I claim it and you can’t have it.)
The next question is how to pull yourself up after a failure and move ahead.
There are lots of ways to do this. However, sometimes it takes a bit of time. For me, depending on the extent of the screw up, it can take anywhere from a few minutes to a week.
When I’ve really blown it, I spend the recovery time learning and reading. I look at the most probable reasons for my mistake so I don’t repeat it. If I’m feeling really depressed about it, I go to the best books and blog posts to lift my spirits and get me back on track.
Of course, you are not me and your way out of the doldrums may be different. Here’s a thought for you. Say, after careful analysis you determine you behaved like an idiot or made a bad decision. Depending on what you’ve said and done, maybe you feel like a worm. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, it’s time to seek out ways to get back on your feet.
Apologize to someone if that’s in order. Expose yourself to an input of uplifting information. It might be from a book, tape, blog or article. Talk to a good friend (not one that will say “I told you that would never work.”). Find what works for you.
Okay kids, now go out there and make lots of mistakes. That’s what successful people do. And who are we to argue with success?
Success rides on the back of many failures.
If it can’t actually kill you, don’t fear it.
Mama Vic
Resources I really really like:
https://www.brainpickings.org/2011/04/04/must-read-books-being-wrong/
