What to Do When You Suck at Managing Money – The Money Squanderer (Spendthrift)

No matter who you are, you can take one thing as a fact; the lack of money is not your problem. You’re probably thinking, “Yeah, that’s easy for you to say, but I can’t pay my bills.”

The truth is your lack of money is a symptom, it’s not the disease. Just like a rash is a symptom of something gone wrong in your body, money problems are a symptom of something gone wrong in your thinking; maybe think you don’t deserve to make more money or feel that money is evil. Maybe you don’t feel you have the talent or skill necessary to pull yourself out of a money crisis. These too are all symptoms of a deeper problem, which has nothing to do with money. There’s plenty of money so there’s something that is either causing you to spend it unwisely or limiting your ability to access it.

Today we’re going to look at the reasons you or your significant other is a spendthrift. Every dime that comes in must immediately be spent on an urge to buy that one more thing you don’t need. In this case, the urge is yet another symptom. Why do you waste money that should be used for something else like maybe not having your power shut off?

Now it’s time to do a little digging so we can solve this problem. A spendthrift is an addict. They can no more help spending money than a drug addict can help taking drugs or a food addict can resist eating.

To change this behavior, you need to identify which of the six human ego based needs you are satisfying. The six ego based human needs are as follows:

The most likely needs causing the spendthrift behavior are highlighted:

•  The need for certainty
• The need for variety
• The need for significance
• The need for love and connection
• The need for growth
• The need for contribution

 How to identify the need

If you get excited at the prospect of buying, you may be satisfying the need for variety in your life. When you buy the orange crock pot even though you already have an orange crock pot, are you buying it because it has one or more features the one you own doesn’t have? It’s new; it’s exciting and adds variety.

Do you feel important when you buy something? Clerks answer questions about the product. The checker, even though ever so brief, gives you his or her undivided attention. You can’t wait to show off your purchase to friends and family? If you have a sense of importance when you’re buying stuff, this might be satisfying a need for significance and connection.

Typically when 3 or more needs are being met by a behavior, it will become an addiction. If this is you or someone you share your life with, it’s time to make a change.

What to do

1. Practice awareness. When you have the urge to buy something, be aware of the urge. Think of it as something interesting you are observing within you.
2. Pay attention to which one of your needs you are satisfying when the impulse overtakes you and you buy that unneeded thing. Did you buy it to add variety to your life? Did you buy it because it somehow made you feel important or in control? Did you buy it out of your need for love and connection (gifts for others often fall into this category)?
3.  When you feel the urge to buy, take three deep breaths focusing your attention on the breaths. Listen for the addiction trying to justify the purchase. Your inner dialogue might say, I need this because it will be so handy to have or this will make a beautiful addition to the 5000 pairs of shoes I already own or I work hard and I want this so why shouldn’t I have it or there’s no use saving this money, I don’t have enough to pay the bills anyway. These justifications are the addiction speaking to you, they are not you. By being aware that it’s the addiction doing the talking you will gradually weaken it until it finally disappears.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting you be miserly. An occasional purchase of something you would like to have just because it would be fun is fine, but spendthrifts spend all their money before they meet their financial obligations. This, of course, leads to added service charges, higher interest rates due to poor credit, penalties and lowered self esteem.

Sometimes it may not be you who is the spendthrift, but your significant other. This can be a real problem as it not only affects them negatively, it affects you. There are a number of ways to deal with this. Begin by having a discussion about his or her addiction. Explain that you understand that right now it’s out of their control. Let them read this post about spendthrift addictive behavior. There are other good sources on the internet that they can also read. Whatever you do, decide on a plan of action and stick to the plan. It will be a relationship breaker if you don’t

That’s it for this week. Next week in part 2 we’ll cover how your views on money affect how much of it you have.