Motivation is weird when you think about it. There are some things we are instantly motivated to do. There are some things we don’t want to do, but are motivated to do anyway. Then there are things we really want to do, but can’t seem to find the motivation to do them.
The things we are instantly motivated to do are those things that born out of fear or pleasure. For instance, you get a letter in the mail from the IRS telling you they’re about to garnishee your wages if you don’t contact them immediately. Do you think your next move is to grab the phone? Probably.
Maybe you’re out on a leisurely stroll in the woods and it’s starting to get dark. You have no flashlight and are afraid you won’t find your way back to the car if you immediately step up the pace. Do you think you will hurry along? Likely.
The things we don’t want to do, but do anyway are those things that we perceive as better to do rather than suffer some sort of repercussion. In my case, I hate to wash windows, but wash them anyway because in my way of thinking, dirty windows are a reflection of my self-image. If the windows of my home are dirty, there goes my idea that I’m a clean, neat person. On the other hand, I pay my bills on time because I don’t like late payment fees.
Examples of instant motivation based on the perception of the pleasure are easy to understand. We should study for a test, but our friends invite us to a party, movie or coffee. Off we go. I bet any one of you out there can cite tons of examples in your life where you’ve been motivated to do something you want to do instead of something you should do. I was a master of this one in high school and college and still wrestle with it.
What is most difficult to understand about motivation comes when we want to do something, but for some strange reason, we don’t do it. That can be anything from losing weight, getting organized, starting a business or growing a garden. What’s going on? Is there a solution?
According to experts in psychology, this happens because somewhere buried deep in our subconscious lurks a fear. Maybe we’re afraid of failure or success. Maybe we suffer from “what if’ thinking. What if I spend all that time planting a garden and it doesn’t grow? What if I start a business and it fails? What if I don’t have enough talent? What if I don’t have enough money? I’ve tried to lose weight before and I’ve failed to keep it off. What if this time is no different? What if I succeed at this and will lose all my friends? What if I get this ideal job, but have to move away from the house I just bought? What if the price is too high?
Examples of the price being too high include thoughts such as: The only way I can lose weight is by giving up all my favorite foods. The only way I can succeed at business is by giving up all my free time and resources.
As you can see, “what if” thinking can really get us into trouble. I’ve done it more times than I care to mention. Psychologists tell us we can change this thinking in a couple of ways. First, we must be aware of the thoughts that are dousing our motivational fire. This sounds easy, but may be more difficult than you think. It can be a challenge to clearly identify the fear that is standing in your way.
If the fear is based in ‘what if’ thinking, that’s simple. Change the thinking around. For example what if I fail, becomes what if I succeed followed by imagining how you will feel when you succeed or all the benefits you will enjoy because of your success.
On the other hand if the fear is based on making a wrong decision, that’s going to take some careful thought. Deep down you may be thinking, what if this isn’t really what I want? For instance, if you ask most folks if they would like to have a million dollars, they will say yes. Then you tell them, you know a way for them to have that million dollars. Most will say, “How?”
Maybe you offer them an opportunity that assures them a million dollars, but goes against one of their core beliefs. Maybe the opportunity involves selling a widget of some sort, but they believe that salesmen are basically dishonest. That’s a double whammy if they also see themselves as being honest. On the other hand, the opportunity to make a million dollars selling a widget might sound wonderful to them, but being a salesperson is just not their cup of tea. In either case, do you think they’re going to be motivated to stick with it? Probably not. If they do, it will only be with a half-hearted effort.
Can you see that the problem here is not in making a million dollars? The real problem is that the means to make the million conflicts with their beliefs. Therefore they aren’t motivated to do what it takes. Rarely is money the prime motivator for any of us.
We often make unwise decisions and lack motivation due to faulty thinking. For example, we take the salesperson opportunity because we mistakenly think a million dollars will make us happy. This is caused because we have formed the false belief that making a million dollars will make us happy. That’s pure nonsense. The fact is, we can be happy regardless of how much money we make. Happiness comes from inside each one of us and is not based on external events.
Think about a time in your past when you were the happiest. What were you doing and thinking? For me, it was when I started a drop in center for teens. Another time was when I was developing a water pollution abatement program for my county. What did both of these things have in common? I was doing something for others. Writing this post makes me happy. Why? Because it has the potential to make your life better.
Tricks I use to avoid motivation paralysis include:
- I become aware of the fear that’s holding me back and do what the Buddha did. I say, “Hello fear. I see you in there. Come on out and have tea with me.” My awareness of the fear weakens its hold on me.
- I refuse to listen to hate media. How can I love you and do good things for you if I’m filled with hate. There is no spare bedroom in my house for hate to reside. Hate is only good as a motivator to do and say ugly things.
- I keep a tight leash on my thoughts by being aware of them. Thoughts are real things with real power. Both science and philosophy back up that idea. Wrong thoughts are motivation killers.
- I question my beliefs. Are they ego based beliefs? Examples of ego based beliefs might include such ideas that I am either inferior or superior to someone else; that I am the only person to have a particular problem; that an exterior event or circumstance controls my happiness and or well-being. Wrong beliefs douse the motivation fire.
- I make it a point to be long on praise and short on criticism.
Do I still struggle staying motivated? Yep, but not as much. Do I still have fears? Yep, but being aware of them keeps them at bay and allows me to move forward. Do I always do the right thing? Nope, I still make mistakes. Like you, I am here to learn and grow.
Remember that there is no success without failure, detours in the road to achievement are inevitable. The lessons we learn when life slaps us around are important to our evolving into the greatness that is in each one of us.
Okay kids, that’s it for today. Go out there and live your life to the fullest and be happy.
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