Why We Fail
First of all, it’s important to note that there is a huge difference between failing and being a failure. Everyone fails. You, me, Obama, Reagan, religious leaders, kings and CEO’s all fail. The difference between failing and being a failure is a combination of perception and pluck.
Failing at stuff is how we learn. For instance, we didn’t climb out of our mother’s womb knowing how to walk. When we were strong enough we took those first tottery steps. Then we fell down. When we fell down, we got up and took a few more steps then fell down again. Did we give up? No. We just kept getting up until we could walk.
It seems that as infants we somehow knew what we wanted to do and failure wasn’t an option. We just kept getting up after each failure until we succeeded. We had pluck. Unfortunately many of us lost that as we got older. Somehow we got the idea that just because we failed we should give up. Of course, in giving up we perceive ourselves as failures rather than as one more step closer to success.
That is one of the stupidest things we humans do, but we do it all the time. I wondered why? Why would such a simple concept as getting up from a failure and keep going until we succeed get lost as we age? We knew it as toddlers. When did we lose it and why?
Psychologists blame our attitudes on the influences of our environment. Our mother is a drug addict and our father is a jail bird. How can we possibly ever hope to be a success growing up in that environment? Our teacher chastised us in front of the whole class because we didn’t quite understand a mathematical concept. Of course, everybody in class laughed at us for being so stupid.
Okay kids, I’m here to tell you to get over it. It’s time to go way back to when you were a wise toddler and knew what it takes to succeed. Of course you have to be reasonable. If you’re a paraplegic, being a successful football star isn’t in the cards for you. That’s kind of a big duh. You have to pick your dreams based on your physical and sometimes mental limitations. If you exercise this modicum of reason, you can be successful at anything you choose.
Will you fail? Absolutely, without a doubt you will fail. So what do you do? Exactly the same thing you did as a toddler. You get up and try again and again and again until you succeed.
Let me tell you a story about my life that might help you with yours. A thousand years ago when I was in college I had a problem with a particular chemistry class. To put it simply, I was drowning in confusion. Absolutely nothing the professor said made any sense to me. He might as well have been there lecturing in some unknown alien language. On the rare occasions when called on to answer a question, disaster soon followed. I’d either sit there with what I’m sure appeared like wide-eyed stupidity bringing a peals of laughter from everyone. And when I answered a question correctly, the class would applaud. I believe the consensus was that I was dumb as a rock.
Finally, deciding that it was hopeless, I asked the professor for a withdrawal. I’m sure he was convinced that I had some type of learning disorder and encouraged me to stay. He promised me a “C” if I’d hang on to the bitter end. I explained that wasn’t going to help. I explained that the knowledge I needed from that class was important for future chemistry courses I was required to take.
The professor granted my request and mercifully made it a straight withdrawal instead of a WF (withdrawal with an “F”). A WF would have meant when I took the class again, the F would be averaged into my final grade for the class. In that case, the best I could hope to achieve was a “C.”
When I took the course a second time I made a few vows to myself. Vow number 1: Make sure to understand completely everything I read. Vow number 2: If there was anything I didn’t understand, ask until I did understand.
Well, here I was, the first day in class after orientation and I asked a question. My reputation had preceded me as being the class idiot. The whole class roared at my question. The professor, who wasn’t laughing, waited until the laughter died down and simply answered my question. (My first professor would have joined in with the laughter which, of course added to the humiliation.)
Instead of giving up, that laughter simply furthered my resolve. And it was the last time anyone laughed at my questions as I went on to devastate the class curve by being 27 points higher than the second highest student in the class on my final. I got a resounding A.
There are countless examples of people who failed miserably and on multiple occasions, but ultimately went on to succeed. If you struggle with failing feelings, the key is to be like that wise toddler you once were. Have pluck and realize the only person that can make a failure or success of your life is you. If you fail at something, realize you are right there with the most successful people in history. So, get up when you fall, dust yourself off and try again. Success is yours for the taking.
If you’ve overcome a difficulty in your life, even a small one, tell us about it. Let it be an encouragement to others.
